Tuesday, December 4, 2007

The Enterprise Christmas Party

“I am surprised that we received invitations to the Enterprise Christmas party.” We were hurling through space and time in my Shadow Stealthship.

“What can I say,” Gun Nut answered. “One of my relatives is on the crew.”

“Distant relative, I am sure.”

“Isn’t this great?” Gun Nut threw her arms around my brain containment case. “This is our first Christmas together. Oh this is going to be special!”

“This will be interesting. I have never attended an event on a Federation vessel before. I may be able to use this opportunity to study the crew in their work/play environment.”

“Oh Nemmy,” my lady friend rolled her eyes. “Do you ever turn it off? It’s Christmas.”

“I know that. I cannot stop being a scientist no more than you could stop being a heavily armed assassin.”

“Except I can’t bring any weapons on board the Enterprise,” she answered with a grin. “Have you seen their security? They have a Klingon in charge of it.”

“A Klingon? Ugh. Detestable.”

Our ship exited warp and we quickly located the starship. After exchanging hails, we were beamed aboard and escorted to the holographic casino.

“Oh isn’t this wonderful?” Gun Nut exclaimed as she looked around. “And this is all holographs?”

“Yes. Unfortunately, the effect is less realistic to my sensor suite. Say, is that an android over there?”

“I don’t know,” my favorite marksman answered. “Maybe he’s just jaundiced.”

“Excuse me! I say, I hate to intrude on your festivities, but are you an android?”

“I am, sir,” the machine answered. “I am Lieutenant Commander Data, please to meet your acquaintance.”

“I am Dr. Nemonok, psychologist. I too am pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“And you exist entirely in this containment device?” Data looked me over.

“Of course. You are a very interesting individual yourself. Tell me, is your brain positronic?”

“Indeed it is,” he answered.

“Fascinating.” I then noticed a familiar face closing in on me. A face that I did not want to see.

“What is it, Doctor?” Gun Nut asked.

“Is that Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator walking towards us?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Never met the guy.”

“He must be here to apprehend me. Surely he knows of my allegiance to Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. “Maybe he’s just here for the party.”

“Are you kidding? I cannot believe he chased me through space and time like this.”

“Just act natural,” she advised. “Don’t let him being here go to your head.”

“How can I not? He is approaching, quick shoot him.”

“I can’t, I’m unarmed,” Gun Nut answered. “Even If I was, we’d never get out of here.”

“You must still protect me. You must be my bodyguard, er, so to speak. Stop him.”

“Keep calm,” she hissed back through her teeth. “He’s not going to start anything. It’s Christmas.”

“Evil doesn’t rest on Christmas. Why should he?”

“Just keep calm,” she hissed again. “I know you can talk your way out of this. He’s just some dumb gladiator. You’re the galaxy’s greatest psychiatrist.”

“Heh heh, you are correct. I shall easily talk my way out of this.”

“Hello, I’m Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator,” the man stepped up and gave a friendly smile. Ah, I see, he is trying to lull us into a sense of false security before he makes his move. “I noticed you two from over there. Do I know you?”

“Please, I am sure that you know of me. I am Dr. Nemonok.”

“Yeah, I don’t know,” he shook his head. “Normally, I don’t forget a face. Uh, no offense.”

“None taken, of course. I am sure we never met before, but as your reputation precedes you, I was certain that mine preceded me.”

“Right,” he said. “Oh yeah sure, I know you. You’re a psychiatrist, right? Didn’t you lose your license?”

“Yes of course. It was taken away from me. You know how these government bodies are. All red tape, heh heh.”

“Tell me about it,” he chuckled. “Hey, you’re on that Who Wants to be a Supervillain show too, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am on that show.”

“Ha ha, I love that show! You guys are too much,” he laughed. “Well, I have to get going, if I don’t dance with my wife, she’ll skin me alive.”

“How do you like that?” Gun Nut grinned as she threw an elbow into my jar. “He doesn’t know about you.”

“This is amusing. Who would have thought that Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator was such an idiot?”

Idiot or not, this is a dangerous addition to the equation. If the gladiator found out what I did back on Earth, I don’t think that even Gun Nut could protect me.

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