Monday, May 5, 2008

Working in the lab

I was in my lab aboard my Shadow Stealthship and working alone. I let Lilith take the afternoon off and I believe that she decided to go shopping. Either for a new handbag or a submachine gun, I am not sure which.

Truth be told, I am in the process of mapping Professor Xavier’s brain. Something that is as time consuming as it is laborious. It’s not dangerous to me, of course, but if there’s the slightest shift or the calibration is off a bit, I have to start the process over again. Without Lilith here, I will have one less parameter to consider during my research.

I have to say, however, that my work here is becoming more and more difficult as it progresses. I easily moved the brain into a containment jar a little more suitable for sustaining it for a period of time but everything after that has become more troublesome. It wouldn’t seem that one simple human brain would take up so much time, and yet the more I work on it, the more time it will take me to complete this task.


No matter, I shall have this brain mapped out in no time, then perhaps I shall begin to dissect it to determine how Xavier’s mental powers work.

If only this infernal buzzing sound would cease.

Hold one moment.

I switched the audio receptors off on my brain containment tank and yet this humming sound continues.

“Xavier, is that you?”

The humming ceased.

“It was, wasn’t it, Xavier?”

“No, of course not,” Xavier replied.

“Aha, so you are now beginning to understand the limitless existence of a bodiless brain.”

“I must admit, without my brain needing all the energy and resources required to maintain my body, I feel a certain sense of freedom and empowerment,” he admitted.

“Yes, yes, and now you understand. Others may look at your disembodied brain floating in that jar of nutrient-rich fluid, but they shall never feel this. Wait a moment, how are you speaking to me without a mouth? I certainly did not install a vocoder on your containment jar.”

“Well, I am the Earth’s greatest telepath,” Xavier admitted.

“Heh, in a land of the blind, the one eyed man is king. And yet I am very impressed. Very impressed indeed.”

“Well, I certainly hope that you are nearly finished mapping out my brain. Although I certainly enjoy being in the company of a fellow intellectual, I am afraid that my school and X-Men would not last long without my guidance. Let me know when you are finished and then we can head back to my mansion.”

“Oh we will not be heading back to the mansion. I plan on dissecting your brain in order to determine your powers and to harness them myself.”

“Ah, so I am afraid that I am not long for this world then, I suppose,” he replied as a few bubbles worked their way through his tank to the surface.

“I am afraid not. For me to gain your power, I would certainly have to destroy your brain.”

“Could you not just clone it and dissect that one instead?” he suggested.

“Unfortunately, you know how messy that cloning business gets. I’d rather stay away from it altogether. I surely do apologize as I have quite enjoyed our conversation now.”

“I have as well,” he replied. “You know, I have a splendid idea, why don’t you finish mapping my brain and then turn me loose? We could then have another conversation next week. We could even play chess if you so desire.”

“Oh, I am afraid that won’t do. I see you are attempting to use your mental powers to influence me. It cannot work as my brain containment unit is resistant to such intrusions.”

“Ah, well that is too bad then,” Xavier lamented. “You don’t suppose that you would grant me this one last request, would you?”

“And that is…”

“Well, I certainly have lived a wonderful and fulfilling life,” he said. “But there are so many things that I have yet to do. I have never visited the Great Wall of China or seen the lost city of Pompeii. I don’t suppose you’ve ever tried a Coney Island dog, have you?”

“No, I have not.”

“Well see, there’s so much left to do on this planet. Would you care to join me, there are many grand places to visit.”

“Oh very well, Professor. As your last request, we shall visit these places that you have mentioned. After that however, you will meet your proverbial maker.”


captain koma said...

Your falling for the lamest ploy a hero has.

The last dying wish ploy.

You foolish brain in a jar.

SHI said...

good work Prof

Professor Xavier said...

Works every time. Once I get him onto the Great Wall of China . . then . . er . . well, I'm sure I'll think of something.