Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Chunkstyle, Experiment #1

Hah, now I have procured this fantastically-powered cat from that queer scoundrel, and believe me it wasn’t easy. He kept asking for payments in “space-cheddah” and all I had were space bucks, as they are the normal monetary unit for the quadrant of the galaxy. With a conversion rate finally settled on (and he was quite resistant to my manipulative abilities, what does that man have in his brain?), I was the proud new owner of Chunkstyle.

And as a bonus, I got a nice little "button" device to add to this Interweblog. I am not sure what it is a button of, as it does not activate any death beams or hypno-rays. Nonetheless, it now sits where it should.

Now, to get down to business – the business of destroying Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator. I have procured a practice dummy for my cat to attack. The creature should easily transfer its attack skills from this to Jon because he is a dummy as well. Ah, that’s just a little psychiatrist humor for you.

Possibly the easiest way to train this creature would be with the reward system. I have purchased some space cat food with hairball control because as anyone knows, hairballs and delicate spaceship instruments do not mix. I will teach this beast commands and reward it with food based on its performance.

Chunkstyle, attack!

Hmmm. This did not seem to work; perhaps I need to start a simpler.

Chunkstyle, come.

Well, the thing is just lying there like that. Very well, I shall try an even simpler command.

Chunkstyle, sit.

Obviously, the creature is intelligent, I can tell by the way it is looking at me that it is at least as smart as an Helgnarian salt bat, I and have trained plenty of those.

This may take a while.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008


Ah space.

There’s nothing like it.

It’s dreadful, really.

I had grand plans for that Earthling’s brain, I could have done much with it. I could have ruled Earth with it – ruled it purely for scientific purposes of course.

Then those rotten heroes led by Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator had to come and rescue him. Captain Koma was with them. I feel betrayed, he’s supposed to be on my side.

He scrambled my neural processes with his weapon and they absconded back to that Shi’Ar ship with Xavier’s brain. Then that infernal ship fired on my own while our defenses were down and we were unable to defend ourselves.

That Intergalactic Gladiator was responsible for that, I imagine. I could smell his grubby claws all over that cannon, if I could smell.

I was fortunate that my beloved Lilith and I were able to get away in an escape capsule. It pays to always be prepared for any contingency and though I will miss my Shadow Stealthship terribly, I have another to take its place.

Unfortunately, those stealthsips are difficult to come by, so I am forced to use one of my older ships. Ah yes, it has a classic feel to it that I like. I christened it the Alien Encounter, the irony of that does not escape me. The Alien Encounter isn’t much, but it is home now, I suppose. There’s a small lab and it has an updated warp engine and shielding system. I mustn’t get caught with my proverbial pants down, right?

As I am the greatest scientific mind in the galaxy, I have already begun work on another master plan to bring down that idiot gladiator. Reaching out into time and space I have contacted a merchant of sorts, one who owns one of the greatest and most unusual creatures in the galaxy.

It is called Chunkstyle, and it is some space cat of sorts. It can divide into four separate creatures with powers beyond your imagination. As a small bonus, Lilith thinks cats are cute so I got that going for me as well.

With my new space cat, I will soon rid this galaxy of that infernal do-gooder once and for all!