Mind Over Matter

Splotchy's Story meme

2008-12-21T10:01:00.003-06:00

That damnable human Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator tagged once again with a meme. I suppose that it’s really my fault as I haven’t been able to kill him yet. Mark my words, he will rue the day that he did not die by my (proverbial) hands.

Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.If you are one of the carriers of this story virus (i.e. you have been tagged and choose to contribute to it), you will have one responsibility, in addition to contributing your own piece of the story: you will have to tag at least one person that continues your story thread. So, say you tag five people. If four people decide to not participate, it's okay, as long as the fifth one does. And if all five participate, well that's five interesting threads the story spins off into.Not a requirement, but something your readers would appreciate: to help people trace your own particular thread of the narrative, it will be helpful if you include links to the chapters preceding yours. Splotchy

The Apple

The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn't prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me. (Splotchy)

I couldn't believe my eyes. Surrepticiously, I tried to establish, without giving it away, if anyone else had seen what I had. For ten years I had been looking for that box. What looked like an ordinary cardboard box to most contained something most precious. Only by the small golden "P" was I able to identify what I was looking at. (Freida Bee)

How the box got here, or how I happened to be on this bus with it now--these questions were immaterial. I just had to get that box. The bus slowed to a stop, so I steadied myself. Just as I was about to make a grab for the box, however, it moved. Someone else was picking it up to take it away! I had to stop her! (Dguzman)

"Ack!" I expclaimed. "Unhand my box, Madam!" But my woeful cry was to no avail as the woman with my box had already turned her back to me, and was quickly walking down the aisle towards the door. Oh, cruel fate! The woman with my box was escaping! I hastily grabbed my valise and nudged my way past the other passengers to get to the front of the bus. (Zaius)

The woman was already out the door by the time I reached the front of the bus. I aimed for the door myself only to see it close right in front of my face. I turned towards the bus driver and gave him my best sheepish, innocent looking shrug. He replied with an impatient grunt but pulled the lever anyway and I was out the door in a flash.

“Excuse me ma’am,” I said as I grabbed the woman by her shoulder. “I’m sorry but I believe that you have my box there.”

“Your what?” she replied in a shocked gasp. “No, this is my box. See, it has this P on it, that stands for Persephone. That’s me.”

“I really must insist,” I insisted. “If you would just open the box and look inside, I’m sure that the contents will show you that it’s mine.”

“I’ll do no such thing. You’ve got a lot of nerve, mister.”

Just then, I looked up as the bus began to pull out into traffic. There, looking out of the back window was a small boy armed with an impish grin and proudly holding a cardboard box with a golden “P” on the side. (Intergalactic Gladiator)

Thinking quickly (I’m all brain, that is what I do), I summoned my ship the Alien Encounter via remote control. The craft speedily swooped down and fired on the bus with its plasma cannon. The explosion was spectacular, especially when the green sparks shot out from the fireball when the Plutoniux Phosdate in the box started to burn, It is unfortunate that I had to detonate it but I suppose that I’ll be able to get some more on my next trip to Commerce Planet.

“I apologize, madam. It seems that my box was still in the bus and the box that you carry truly is yours after all.”

The woman stood there on the sidewalk with her mouth open, dumbfounded and unable to speak.

“Thank you and have a good day.” I allowed a few air bubbles to rise up through my brain containment tank to show her that I was sincere. Again, her primitive brain stubbornly refused to give her mouth anything to do aside from slack open like it was.

Sometimes I don’t think that I’ll ever understand humans.

I tag no one because I’m evil!

Chunkstyle, Experiment #1

2008-07-15T18:02:00.004-05:00

Hah, now I have procured this fantastically-powered cat from that queer scoundrel, and believe me it wasn’t easy. He kept asking for payments in “space-cheddah” and all I had were space bucks, as they are the normal monetary unit for the quadrant of the galaxy. With a conversion rate finally settled on (and he was quite resistant to my manipulative abilities, what does that man have in his brain?), I was the proud new owner of Chunkstyle.

And as a bonus, I got a nice little "button" device to add to this Interweblog. I am not sure what it is a button of, as it does not activate any death beams or hypno-rays. Nonetheless, it now sits where it should.

Now, to get down to business – the business of destroying Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator. I have procured a practice dummy for my cat to attack. The creature should easily transfer its attack skills from this to Jon because he is a dummy as well. Ah, that’s just a little psychiatrist humor for you.

Possibly the easiest way to train this creature would be with the reward system. I have purchased some space cat food with hairball control because as anyone knows, hairballs and delicate spaceship instruments do not mix. I will teach this beast commands and reward it with food based on its performance.

Chunkstyle, attack!

Hmmm. This did not seem to work; perhaps I need to start a simpler.

Chunkstyle, come.

Well, the thing is just lying there like that. Very well, I shall try an even simpler command.

Chunkstyle, sit.

Obviously, the creature is intelligent, I can tell by the way it is looking at me that it is at least as smart as an Helgnarian salt bat, I and have trained plenty of those.

This may take a while.

Floating

2008-07-09T14:42:00.004-05:00

Ah space.

There’s nothing like it.

It’s dreadful, really.

I had grand plans for that Earthling’s brain, I could have done much with it. I could have ruled Earth with it – ruled it purely for scientific purposes of course.

Then those rotten heroes led by Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator had to come and rescue him. Captain Koma was with them. I feel betrayed, he’s supposed to be on my side.

He scrambled my neural processes with his weapon and they absconded back to that Shi’Ar ship with Xavier’s brain. Then that infernal ship fired on my own while our defenses were down and we were unable to defend ourselves.

That Intergalactic Gladiator was responsible for that, I imagine. I could smell his grubby claws all over that cannon, if I could smell.

I was fortunate that my beloved Lilith and I were able to get away in an escape capsule. It pays to always be prepared for any contingency and though I will miss my Shadow Stealthship terribly, I have another to take its place.

Unfortunately, those stealthsips are difficult to come by, so I am forced to use one of my older ships. Ah yes, it has a classic feel to it that I like. I christened it the Alien Encounter, the irony of that does not escape me. The Alien Encounter isn’t much, but it is home now, I suppose. There’s a small lab and it has an updated warp engine and shielding system. I mustn’t get caught with my proverbial pants down, right?

As I am the greatest scientific mind in the galaxy, I have already begun work on another master plan to bring down that idiot gladiator. Reaching out into time and space I have contacted a merchant of sorts, one who owns one of the greatest and most unusual creatures in the galaxy.

It is called Chunkstyle, and it is some space cat of sorts. It can divide into four separate creatures with powers beyond your imagination. As a small bonus, Lilith thinks cats are cute so I got that going for me as well.

With my new space cat, I will soon rid this galaxy of that infernal do-gooder once and for all!

Another Slight Hitch In My Plans

2008-05-28T15:50:00.006-05:00

Curse that infernal Professor Xavier.

Here all along, I thought he was a near equal to me on an intellectual level, that he and I truly understood each other now, and he goes and takes control of my ship on me like this.

His brain was only supposed to act as the logic center. He was only supposed to allow all the other ship functions to work at their normal capacity, but then what does he do? He took over the whole ship. How can he do that? This will certainly be the last time that I trust the brain of a kidnapped enemy that I removed from his or her body, placed in a jar of nutrients not unlike my own and expect him or her to be civil about it. Bah, these inferior species.

My love, the lovely Lilith is still on her shopping expedition and not here or else I would have her just shoot that infernal brain and be done with it. I tried to use the Brain Claw to move Xavier back into his containment jar, but he disabled that as well. His silent laughter filled my nonexistent ears.

“Fine, but you have won nothing! This ship is still disabled and not going anywhere. Without your precious life-giving fluids in your brain jar, you will be a dead husk in minutes! Your only choice is to return to the jar and then I will once again be in total control!”

I openly admit that I lost my temper at that point. I certainly didn’t want Xavier to die, not like this, not before I could dissect his brain.

Suddenly, Xavier’s cursed X-Men appeared out of nowhere in my ship. Unbelievable, the gall of them.

“This unmitigated assault on my sovereign property will not go unanswered. Attack them now Lilith!”

Lilith sprung forth out of her hiding place and unleashed the instant henches. Yes, I know that earlier I said she was still on her shopping trip. I even lie on my own blog, I am that evil.

“Pocket android henchmen just add water!” my darling sneered at the interlopers.

“That’s a non-unionized labor force you better make sure that Henchy don't find out!” Captain Koma announced as he stalked up towards me.

Bah, these puny Earth people with their pointless and obnoxious policies of evil. I’m not even on their planet and they’re still trying to govern my actions.

“Think I care? I'm a super villain! Remember you gave me my certificate.” I gazed up proudly at my award.

“Eat this!” the Earther replied as he fired some sort of weapon at me. Ah, a neural destabilizer, how quaint.

“Ha ha, your neural weapon cannot harm me! My containment jar is resistant to such paltry attacks.” I thought perhaps that would be enough to dissuade his aggressions towards me. Perhaps now, he will cower back like the mewling Montovian gelpup that his race is.

But did it stop him? No, he just fired his weapon at me again and again.

“Foolish human, I told you that your weapon cannot—whoa…”

I felt something within me change. As if part of my brain suddenly got heavier, way heavier and yet another part became much lighter. I felt myself lose control of my vocoder, as if it was producing words and sounds without my say so.

“Hey, I can see my voice. My voice. My… voice... Hey can you see that, man?”
A vortex of colors and lights surrounded me as joyous sounds rang through what would be my ears. Truly that dreadful creature was the facilitator of these joyous sensations that I was now feeling. I would have to thank him for this, possibly right after I kill him.

“That’s real cool. Look at the colors.”

Then through the corner of my optic sensor, I saw that cursed Intergalactic Gladiator attempting to abscond with Xavier’s brain. That rotten bastard. That rotten, smelly, hairy, arrogant doer of good deeds. I may have to kill him next. If I could get this cursed voice box to stop making these laughing sounds.

I then saw possibly the most amusing sight yet: the gladiator tripped over his own clumsy under evolved feet. Tinny laughter gurgled forth from my vocoder like some sort of Snarian skug worm spewing out of its prey. Skug worm. Ha ha, that’s a funny word. Skug. Skuuuuugggg. One who skugs. Skugger of all things skugged. Because of that fool’s inability to stay on his own fool feet, Xavier’s brain was sent flying into the air.

Ah, now this is really turning into a party. I’m so glad that I could make it.

A slight hitch in my plans

2008-05-21T17:28:00.005-05:00

I turned to my companion, the now bodiless Professor Xavier.

“That was surely a dangerous encounter with your friend the gladiator, there. Are you sure that he’s truly your friend? He tried to shoot us both out of the sky and seemed quite oblivious to the fact that you were onboard with me.”

His brain bobbed ever so slightly but he remained quiet.

“Yes, well I was forced to make an emergency space fold to escape his pursuit. We are now somewhere near your solar system’s ninth and tenth planets, if you actually want to consider them such. As you can imagine, performing a space fold with a damaged craft while in an atmosphere is not the smartest thing to do, but I felt that I had little options.”

Once again, the brain of Xavier did not say anything. Was he attempting to get at me?

“You’re not giving me the silent treatment now are you? How juvenile. My species has evolved beyond giving each other the silent treatment hundreds of years ago. Perhaps your planet’s first steps into the galactic community could involve you rebuking this silence.”

Again, Xavier said nothing. A few bubbles found their way up through the fluid, but there was naught but more silence.

“And here I thought we were getting along so well during our sojourn to many of your planet’s interesting locales.”

Again, silence.

“You try my patience, Xavier, and you’ll soon learn not to trifle with the likes of me.”

“Huh, what?” Xavier’s brain finally stirred. “Ah Dr. Nemonok, say, where are we now?”

“I just told you mere moments ago that we space folded to the outer perimeter of your solar system.”

“Oh, I am sorry, I believe that I just dozed off there for a moment,” he replied.

“Dozed off? We were in the middle of aerial combat and you decided to take a nap?”

“Yes well forgive me, Doctor,” he said. “Without a body I am finding it difficult to differentiate between day and night. I am never quite sure what time of day it is.”

“Do you want to know what time it is? It is time that I repair my systems after our battle with that maniac.”

I looked over the console. This is not good.

“What is it?”

“It seems, Professor, that the logic processors were burned out on my ship’s computer module. I cannot make repairs nor warp back to Earth without it.”

“Looks like we have a bit of an issue then, don’t we,” Xavier said with just a hint of smugness.

“Yes we do. Fortunately, I have a solution. What could possibly work better as a logic processor than your brain?”

I believe that I heard Xavier’s brain make a gulping noise.

2008-05-08T17:13:00.004-05:00

Working in the lab

2008-05-05T18:50:00.005-05:00

I was in my lab aboard my Shadow Stealthship and working alone. I let Lilith take the afternoon off and I believe that she decided to go shopping. Either for a new handbag or a submachine gun, I am not sure which.

Truth be told, I am in the process of mapping Professor Xavier’s brain. Something that is as time consuming as it is laborious. It’s not dangerous to me, of course, but if there’s the slightest shift or the calibration is off a bit, I have to start the process over again. Without Lilith here, I will have one less parameter to consider during my research.

I have to say, however, that my work here is becoming more and more difficult as it progresses. I easily moved the brain into a containment jar a little more suitable for sustaining it for a period of time but everything after that has become more troublesome. It wouldn’t seem that one simple human brain would take up so much time, and yet the more I work on it, the more time it will take me to complete this task.

Interesting.

No matter, I shall have this brain mapped out in no time, then perhaps I shall begin to dissect it to determine how Xavier’s mental powers work.

If only this infernal buzzing sound would cease.

Hold one moment.

I switched the audio receptors off on my brain containment tank and yet this humming sound continues.

“Xavier, is that you?”

The humming ceased.

“It was, wasn’t it, Xavier?”

“No, of course not,” Xavier replied.

“Aha, so you are now beginning to understand the limitless existence of a bodiless brain.”

“I must admit, without my brain needing all the energy and resources required to maintain my body, I feel a certain sense of freedom and empowerment,” he admitted.

“Yes, yes, and now you understand. Others may look at your disembodied brain floating in that jar of nutrient-rich fluid, but they shall never feel this. Wait a moment, how are you speaking to me without a mouth? I certainly did not install a vocoder on your containment jar.”

“Well, I am the Earth’s greatest telepath,” Xavier admitted.

“Heh, in a land of the blind, the one eyed man is king. And yet I am very impressed. Very impressed indeed.”

“Well, I certainly hope that you are nearly finished mapping out my brain. Although I certainly enjoy being in the company of a fellow intellectual, I am afraid that my school and X-Men would not last long without my guidance. Let me know when you are finished and then we can head back to my mansion.”

“Oh we will not be heading back to the mansion. I plan on dissecting your brain in order to determine your powers and to harness them myself.”

“Ah, so I am afraid that I am not long for this world then, I suppose,” he replied as a few bubbles worked their way through his tank to the surface.

“I am afraid not. For me to gain your power, I would certainly have to destroy your brain.”

“Could you not just clone it and dissect that one instead?” he suggested.

“Unfortunately, you know how messy that cloning business gets. I’d rather stay away from it altogether. I surely do apologize as I have quite enjoyed our conversation now.”

“I have as well,” he replied. “You know, I have a splendid idea, why don’t you finish mapping my brain and then turn me loose? We could then have another conversation next week. We could even play chess if you so desire.”

“Oh, I am afraid that won’t do. I see you are attempting to use your mental powers to influence me. It cannot work as my brain containment unit is resistant to such intrusions.”

“Ah, well that is too bad then,” Xavier lamented. “You don’t suppose that you would grant me this one last request, would you?”

“And that is…”

“Well, I certainly have lived a wonderful and fulfilling life,” he said. “But there are so many things that I have yet to do. I have never visited the Great Wall of China or seen the lost city of Pompeii. I don’t suppose you’ve ever tried a Coney Island dog, have you?”

“No, I have not.”

“Well see, there’s so much left to do on this planet. Would you care to join me, there are many grand places to visit.”

“Oh very well, Professor. As your last request, we shall visit these places that you have mentioned. After that however, you will meet your proverbial maker.”

In Search of my Prize

2008-04-29T18:48:00.007-05:00

“Are you sure this is going to work?” Lilith asked me. She was dressed as a scientist and quite stunning I might add.

“Of course. My plan will not go wrong, my dear.”

“But to brazenly walk up into Xavier’s headquarters and attack him?” she questioned. “We’re asking to have a whole mess of X-Men come down on us.”

“Of course they will be worried about the Professor, but by the time anyone can act, we will be long gone.”

“But they’ll cross they Earth to get the Professor back,” she added.

“Of course they will. But all we’re here for is his brain. Now quickly, ring the doorbell of this infernal place.”

Lilith complied and the door was shortly answered by a grossly undershowered and unshaven man.

“Can I help you?” he asked before letting loose one of the vilest, foul smelling burps I have ever witnessed. I am certainly glad that I can turn off my olfactory sensors easily, which makes me all the more sorry for my companion Lilith.

“Yes, I am from the, uh, International Brain and Science Institute,” Lilith said. “I am here with a delivery for Professor Zavier.”

“Here for the Prof, huh?” the sensory-assaulting beast grunted. “Follow me.”

The creature led us to a nearby study and grumbled something about “fetching Chuck.” We were shortly in the room by ourselves.

“That was Wolverine,” Lilith said while still wiping the foul stench away from her nose. “He’s got metal claws and heightened senses.”

“He has heightened senses and yet he cannot smell his own foul stench?”

My companion shrugged at the comment then laughed. The door quickly flew open and a man in a wheelchair rolled in.

“Who are you, young lady?” he asked irritably. “I was not expecting anyone from the International Brain and Science Institute.”

“Please allow me to introduce myself, I am Dr. Nemonok, the galaxy’s greatest evil psychiatrist.”

“A talking brain in a jar?” Xavier gasped. “Why you must be that creature that Magneto was talking about.”

“Of course, that is I, and this is my trusted companion Lilith.”

“But you can call me the Gun Nut,” she growled.

“Your companion?” Xavier’s brow furrowed. “You two aren’t in a relationship are you? The mere thought boggles my mind.”

“I have something else for your mind as well. Quick Lilith, the Neural Neutralizer!”

Before the vaunted professor could react, Lilith fired the energy weapon at his head. He was quickly immobilized by its effects allowing my special lady and me the opportunity to operate. A few minutes later we were out the door and making our way to my Shadow Stealthship with our prize – Professor Xavier’s brain in a jar!

Seven Things Meme

2008-03-17T18:45:00.002-05:00

That fool Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator tagged me with this Seven Things Meme. I suppose it’s my penance for letting him beat up on my girlfriend and stunt brain back at that warehouse. Very well, I am game as I am always up for letting people know a little bit about me. You’re probably just as interested in hearing it as I am of telling it, I’d wager.
Firstly though, I must mention the rules:

List seven random things about yourself that people may not know.

Link the person who sent this to you, and leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.

Post the rules on your blog.

Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, linking their blog.

Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. I was not born evil. You may be surprised to hear that as I am quite the evil entity now. No, I was husked from my mother’s womb just a regular denizen of this great galactic community much like you or anyone else.

2. I am now just a brain floating within a nutrient-rich jar but I once had a very decent body. Of course my brain was exceptionally developed, but my body was not so bad either. I was never the greatest athlete, but I was always picked in neighborhood slurveball contests before Lenny OneArm and that one kid with the gel-filled spine.

3. Perhaps my first foray into my darker side came in medical school. I was always neck and neck with another student for first in class. Our grades were always ever so close until I devised a way to bathe his living quarters with ultrasonic waves that were undetectable yet interrupted his sleep cycles enough so that his grades slipped. Did I feel guilty? I did a bit until I concluded that if he should deserve the top honors then he should have thought of a similar method to guarantee them.

4. After several yearons (roughly equivalent to your Earth year) of being the galaxy’s greatest psychiatrist, I grew bored with hearing the trivial problems of the undeservedly famous and idle rich. I then began devising subtle experiments that affected their behavior patterns. Many of these people were near crazy to begin with; my experiments took them over the proverbial edge.

5. I grew bolder with my malevolent research over the yearons and eventually was discovered, the Intergalactic Psychiatry Association quickly stripped me of all my licenses and honors and locked me away. I did not even experience a fair trial, just a media-filled circus and an attorney who quickly caved to the pressures directed against me.

6. Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord learned of my abilities and sent his agents to free me from my prison. I have served him faithfully since, though incessant contact with this evilness so pure decayed my body over time. I cloned myself several times to maintain my existence, but you know how unreliable cloning is. It soon became apparent that keeping my superior brain in a nutrient-rich jar was the only way to go.

7. I had never dreamed that I would ever have a girlfriend until I met Lilith. Lilith, had I a heart, it would be yours forever.

I must now tag seven random people. Very well, I tag The Colossal Rngernghk, Freddy N'Zaumnthchl, Duke Starkiller, Vlyxor, Valla IX, and Superboy Prime.

Brain on a warehouse floor

2008-02-26T15:15:00.003-06:00

As Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator’s spaceplane rocketed into the sky, Lilith sadly looked down at what was once a brain in a jar now smeared across the concrete floor of the warehouse.

“Oh Nemmy,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop him.”

“No matter.” I opened the door where I was monitoring the altercation and moved out onto the warehouse floor. “I assure you that I am quite all right.”

“Nemmy? Is that you?” My companion ran towards me and threw her arms around my brain containment tank. “But what about…”

“I used a stunt brain. Our nemesis is clearly intellectually inferior but I had no doubt that he is dangerously lucky as well. I needed to see him in action firsthand without endangering myself. Had you killed him, even better, though I had a theory that you would not succeed at this time.”

“I had him until he punched me,” Lilith responded while rubbing her sore jaw. “The next time I see that bastard, I’m going to shoot his kneecaps and wear his guts as a shawl for punching a woman like that.”

“Yes, his actions prove how primitive and offensively discourteous he is. Yet this luck he’s had fascinates me.”

“That’ll will run out when I see him next,” she yelled across the open space as she retrieved her weapons.

“Yet, I’m not entirely convinced that his luck is all his doing. While observing this altercation, I could detect the mental presence of another. Jon’s ally Professor Xavier was monitoring this event as well, no doubt dulling your reaction and senses while mentally stimulating his.”

“Are you sure?” my companion scowled.

“I am certain. While I do not possess the stunning mental abilities of this mutant, I do have some of my own. I could feel his presence much like you could feel the water if you dipped your hand in a filled glass.”

“So that’s how Jon got me,” she scowled again.

“Yes. Well it seems that before destroy Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator, it is necessary to make a small detour in our plans. We destroy Professor Xavier. Dissecting his brain to uncover how his powers work will be my next and greatest experiment.”

I then allowed myself one of those loud, long evil laughs. I don’t normally indulge myself in that type of thing, but I was caught up in the moment. I have to admit, it was a nice laugh that echoed off my vocoder and filled this warehouse.

My Dark Lord Summons Me

2008-02-05T10:53:00.001-06:00

“Nemmy, honey, there is an odd sound coming from your meditation chamber.”

“An odd sound?”

“I can’t quite describe it,” Lilith continued. “It almost sounds like a ringing, only far more ominous.”

“It is my dark master Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord calling me. I knew this was coming, though I had hoped it wouldn’t be for some time yet.”

“What does he want?”

“I would imagine that he wants to know why I haven’t completed my assignment here on Earth. Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator remains alive. I must answer the call.”

I maneuvered my brain containment device into my sanctum and activated the communicator. Instantly, a holographic image of my master flickered to life.

“My dark lord and master.”

“Report,” his voice rumbled back to me. “Is the gladiator dead?”

“I am afraid not. I have tried, but he has proven to be quite resilient.”

“Indeed,” the overlord rumbled. “Perhaps this task is not where your abilities lie. Perhaps I should send the Mangalores to take care of this.”

“Oh no, that would not be wise, my master. The Mangalores couldn’t even get up in the morning without causing a calamity and possibly several explosions. You entrusted me with this mission because you needed this done covertly. Allow me to assure you that I am still the man, or brain as it were for the job.”

The image of my dark master froze for a moment before crackling back to life.

“Very well,” he said. “I have confidence that you will be able to complete this project. Do you need any of my troops or weapons there?”

“No, my lord. I have taken on an Earth female as a companion. She is all that I need for this.”

I thought I saw Galactor’s face crack a slight smile for a moment. It disappeared just as quickly, however.

“Indeed,” he answered. “This woman of yours, is she good?”

“She is, my lord. She is deadly as well as ‘easy on the eyes’ as the natives here say.”

Now I am sure that I saw the image of my dark lord crack a smile.

“This is unexpected. Do not let your affections for this Earth creature keep you from your goal.”

“Certainly not, my lord. The sensors of my ship have tracked the gladiator to one of this planet’s cities. We shall meet him there where he will certainly meet his doom.”

“Very well,” Galactor answered. “I have the upmost confidence in your abilities, Nemonok, but do not think that if I feel you cannot accomplish your task that I will not have you transferred to someplace else. Some place such as the fire rock mines of Dantur.”

“Certainly, my dark master. You patience and confidence in me will be rewarded. I will not fail you.”

The image of the overlord winked out as the door to my chamber slid open. My companion stepped into may chambers with a concerned look on her face.

“What is it, my love?” she asked.

“My dark lord’s patience is great, but it is not infinite. We need to destroy Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator. We shall fly out tonight to Washington DC.”

Brain in a Box

2007-12-28T17:00:00.000-06:00

Hey girl I got somethin' real important to give you
So just sit down and listen
Girl you know we've been together such a long long time (such a long time)
And now I'm ready to lay it on the line
(Wooow) You know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide
Gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind
A gift real special, so take off the top
Take a look inside -- it's my brain in a box
Not gonna get you a diamond ring
That sort of gift don't mean anything
Not gonna get you a fancy car
Girl ya gotta know you're my shining star
Not gonna get you a house in the hills
A girl like you needs somethin' real
Wanna get you somethin' from the heart
Somethin' special girl
It's my brain in a box, my brain in a box babe
It's my brain in a box, my brain in a box girl

See I'm wise enough to know when a gift needs givin' (yeah)
And I got just the one, somethin' to show ya that you are second to none
To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress
It's easy to do just follow these steps
1: Cut a hole in a box
2: Put your junk in that box
3: Make her open the box
And that's the way you do it
It's my brain in a box... my brain in a box babe
It's my brain in a box, my brain in a box girl
Christmas; brain in a box
Hanukkah; brain in a box
Kwanzaa; a brain in a box
Every single holiday a brain in a box
Over at your parent's house a brain in a box
Midday at the grocery store a brain in a box
Backstage at the CMA's a brain in a box (yeah-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow)
A brain in a box, a brain in a box, a brain in a box...

My dark destiny awaits

2007-12-19T12:51:00.000-06:00

My Shadow Stealthship was ready for take off. I was almost ready to leave this primitive, backwards planet but I had just a few more tasks to attend to. My dread lord Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord has already contacted me to congratulate me on winning Who Wants to be a Supervillain. He also gave me another task to attend to since I am here: destroy his mortal enemy Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator. Something I admit that I attempted earlier but so far have been unable to complete. That man is harder to kill than a Hectarian armored armadillo slug.

“So that’s it?” Iron Butterfly asked. “You’re leaving?”

“Of course, Iron Butterfly. I have other matters to attend to.”

“Yeah, but what about us, mate?” Apocalypto Pickle asked. “You just going to kick us to the curb? We signed a contract with you, you know.”

“Who cares, let him go. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself,” Gun Nut added with a disappointed sneer.”

“Ah, but that is where you are wrong, my dear. During every step of this competition, I made sure that you all were taken care of.”

“Really,” Butterfly grunted.

“Really?” Bob the Goon asked.

“Iron Butterfly, you are a strong and powerful man with a lot of ambition but no real resources to back up your desires. The stronghold in Sierra Gordo is yours. From there you could easily launch an attack on the capital of that pitiful country and rule it as your own. Rule it wisely and evilly.”

“Wow, thanks,” he grinned. Obviously surprised by what I have bestowed him.

“Apocalypto Pickle, you are a cunning and capable demolitions expert but you have been angry and confused about your sexuality your whole life. By introducing you to Magneto and his Village Henchpeople, I have shown you that you can be accepted and welcomed despite your physical appearance and orientation.”

“You’re right,” he nodded. “Thanks. Hey, can I also have the giant robot with the blue jeans in his torso? Those are nice jeans.”

“Very well, you may have that as well.”

“Super!”

“Bob the Goon, I took over Halliburton for you.”

“You want me to run that company?” he asked.

“Not the company, but the fleet of vehicles that it owns. You will be in charge of the Halliburton’s motor depot.”

“Cool,” he smiled. “Is there an oil drum there that I can burn stuff in?”

“Of course.”

“An’ is there shrimp there for me t’ eat?”

“All the shrimp you could ever want.”

“Oh man, that’s swell,” he beamed. “Thanks, doc.”

“What about me?” Gun Nut harrumphed, still angry about my perceived transgression about the holiday.

“Gun Nut, I have given you perhaps the greatest gift of all. You were already and cold and calculating assassin, something I must admit that I find extremely appealing, but you lacked one factor. There was one thing that kept you from achieving your potential.”

“What was that?” she asked snidely.

“You don’t care about anything. Since you were young, you harnessed your anger in your life’s work, but you actually had little passion in it. You didn’t love yourself and you certainly didn’t feel that any man deserved your love. I showed you that you do have feelings, that you can care for your work or a man.”

“Really? You did that for me?” I saw the angry features on her face soften.

“Of course. With what you have now, nothing shall stand in your way.” I slid my brain containment jar towards my ship and rolled up the ramp. “You all have been instrumental in my victory here and I appreciate your help. Good luck to you all.”

“Wait!” Gun Nut called out. “Take me with you.”

“It is dangerous work. Your life will always be in peril if you seek to serve my master Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord.”

“I don’t care,” she answered. “I want to be with you.”

“Very well, I would… love to have you join me.”

Gun Nut gave an unusual squeal and ran up the ramp. She threw her arms around my containment vessel and gave it a kiss. “I guess this would be a little bit more romantic if you could kiss me back.”

“Yes, I suppose.”

“But I don’t care,” she shook her head and smiled.

“Gun Nut, what am I to call you on our journeys? Your moniker is suitable for a one dimensional character who exists only to shoot others, but you are more. So much more.”

“Call me Lilith,” she answered.

“Lilith? I do like that name.”

The ramp slid closed as the ship’s door also clanged shut. My craft then lifted off the ground, hovered for just a few moments before rocketing into the sky carrying me and my companion towards our destiny.

The Enterprise Christmas Party

2007-12-04T22:13:00.000-06:00

“I am surprised that we received invitations to the Enterprise Christmas party.” We were hurling through space and time in my Shadow Stealthship.

“What can I say,” Gun Nut answered. “One of my relatives is on the crew.”

“Distant relative, I am sure.”

“Isn’t this great?” Gun Nut threw her arms around my brain containment case. “This is our first Christmas together. Oh this is going to be special!”

“This will be interesting. I have never attended an event on a Federation vessel before. I may be able to use this opportunity to study the crew in their work/play environment.”

“Oh Nemmy,” my lady friend rolled her eyes. “Do you ever turn it off? It’s Christmas.”

“I know that. I cannot stop being a scientist no more than you could stop being a heavily armed assassin.”

“Except I can’t bring any weapons on board the Enterprise,” she answered with a grin. “Have you seen their security? They have a Klingon in charge of it.”

“A Klingon? Ugh. Detestable.”

Our ship exited warp and we quickly located the starship. After exchanging hails, we were beamed aboard and escorted to the holographic casino.

“Oh isn’t this wonderful?” Gun Nut exclaimed as she looked around. “And this is all holographs?”

“Yes. Unfortunately, the effect is less realistic to my sensor suite. Say, is that an android over there?”

“I don’t know,” my favorite marksman answered. “Maybe he’s just jaundiced.”

“Excuse me! I say, I hate to intrude on your festivities, but are you an android?”

“I am, sir,” the machine answered. “I am Lieutenant Commander Data, please to meet your acquaintance.”

“I am Dr. Nemonok, psychologist. I too am pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“And you exist entirely in this containment device?” Data looked me over.

“Of course. You are a very interesting individual yourself. Tell me, is your brain positronic?”

“Indeed it is,” he answered.

“Fascinating.” I then noticed a familiar face closing in on me. A face that I did not want to see.

“What is it, Doctor?” Gun Nut asked.

“Is that Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator walking towards us?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Never met the guy.”

“He must be here to apprehend me. Surely he knows of my allegiance to Galactor the Evil Galactic Overlord.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. “Maybe he’s just here for the party.”

“Are you kidding? I cannot believe he chased me through space and time like this.”

“Just act natural,” she advised. “Don’t let him being here go to your head.”

“How can I not? He is approaching, quick shoot him.”

“I can’t, I’m unarmed,” Gun Nut answered. “Even If I was, we’d never get out of here.”

“You must still protect me. You must be my bodyguard, er, so to speak. Stop him.”

“Keep calm,” she hissed back through her teeth. “He’s not going to start anything. It’s Christmas.”

“Evil doesn’t rest on Christmas. Why should he?”

“Just keep calm,” she hissed again. “I know you can talk your way out of this. He’s just some dumb gladiator. You’re the galaxy’s greatest psychiatrist.”

“Heh heh, you are correct. I shall easily talk my way out of this.”

“Hello, I’m Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator,” the man stepped up and gave a friendly smile. Ah, I see, he is trying to lull us into a sense of false security before he makes his move. “I noticed you two from over there. Do I know you?”

“Please, I am sure that you know of me. I am Dr. Nemonok.”

“Yeah, I don’t know,” he shook his head. “Normally, I don’t forget a face. Uh, no offense.”

“None taken, of course. I am sure we never met before, but as your reputation precedes you, I was certain that mine preceded me.”

“Right,” he said. “Oh yeah sure, I know you. You’re a psychiatrist, right? Didn’t you lose your license?”

“Yes of course. It was taken away from me. You know how these government bodies are. All red tape, heh heh.”

“Tell me about it,” he chuckled. “Hey, you’re on that Who Wants to be a Supervillain show too, aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am on that show.”

“Ha ha, I love that show! You guys are too much,” he laughed. “Well, I have to get going, if I don’t dance with my wife, she’ll skin me alive.”

“How do you like that?” Gun Nut grinned as she threw an elbow into my jar. “He doesn’t know about you.”

“This is amusing. Who would have thought that Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator was such an idiot?”

Idiot or not, this is a dangerous addition to the equation. If the gladiator found out what I did back on Earth, I don’t think that even Gun Nut could protect me.

Who wants to be a supervillian?

2007-12-03T20:33:00.000-06:00

I do, of course.

Allow me to introduce myself; I am Dr. Nemonok, the galaxy’s greatest psychiatrist, though I am sure that you know that already.

My dark lord Galactor the Evil Galactic Gladiator sent me to Earth to sow a little destruction in the show Who Wants to be a Supervillain. As you must know, I am more of an “idea man” for Galactor, but I must admit getting my hands (so to speak) dirty in this fashion was quite refreshing.

Please enjoy my entries in the series:

I Win Of course I won. All these competitors with their amazing powers and fantastic abilities were clearly no match for Dr. Cerveux H. Nemonok, super genius.

Power to people I bring the ultimate doomsday device to China.

A meeting of the Minds I congratulate AOC on getting to the final round as well as enact a secret, evil plan against him.

Silent Night Holy Terror My crew, along with a few friends I picked up along the way, invade the North Pole to destroy Christmas.

Super Happy Destructive Robot Time Go In this challenge, my henches and I build a giant robot of doom in Japan.

Evil is afoot (figuratively speaking, of course) My henches and I join the most evil group on this planet -- Halliburton.

Deeds, not words Part two of the challenge in Central America, my henches and I easily defeat an American commando team.

Location, Location, Location Part one of the challenge where I build a base of operations in Central America.

The Doctor is in Mr. “Butler” spends some time on my couch. I also begin a new experiment -- an experiment in love.

Unexpected Debt Mr. “Butler” responds to our session.

A Simple Plan I round out my team with a fourth member and lead them on a bank robbery.

Evil Influences Using my evil psychiatrist abilities, I convince some of my competition to put on a little dance show.

In need of an entourage I hire my crew of henches.

Getting "Comfortable" I am assigned quarters as well as learn a few things about the show’s host.

Darkness from Space My arrival to this game.